


Am I (Wo)man enough?

by DrMcNastyPhD



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types, Original - Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Confusion, Encouragement, Family, Family Fluff, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27683852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrMcNastyPhD/pseuds/DrMcNastyPhD
Summary: Lai Chan has never really thought much about being a girl before. For the most part her entire life has been about finding something she's good at and doing that thing. That thing just so happens to be fighting. She takes pride in her physique, especially her washboard abs, and her feats such as every time her max bench weight increases or her 100 yard sprint time decreases. She was never interested in much that could be considered “girly” though she has helped her sisters (both younger and older) with makeup and has worn dresses. Though for the most part her attire is usually a sports bra showing off the abs she’s proud of and some shorts.Recently Mai Fan called her out for not being very lady-like in an off hand comment and it's been weighing on Lai Chan’s mind for the past couple of days.This story follows responses of several of her family members after she’s worked up the nerve to ask them about her “girliness,”As always there is a reference doc for the characters on in my works.
Kudos: 1





	1. Younger sister: Veronica

“It's fine, you're fine.” Veronica commented from her bed. She sprained her ankle earlier in the week and had to keep off it. Mostly she kept herself busy with any number of kittens that wandered into her room and jumped onto the bed. 

“But if it was fine she wouldn't have said anything right? I mean I never really thought about this stuff before so she’s right, right?” Lai Chan was lost in deep thought about her current situation but not so deep that she couldn’t play with the cat in her arms. Her usual goofy smile was replaced with a rare contemplative look. Her brow furled and mouth set in a hard frown while she stared the cat in the eyes.

“You don't really think about much to begin with to be honest.” sighed the bedridden water genasi. She was growing tired of this impromptu therapy session. She has done them before for Yi and Mai Fan but those ones usually ended after some reassurances. She and Lai Chan had been going in circles for 10 minutes now and had gotten nowhere. 

A scowl appeared on Lai Chan’s face as she looked up from manipulating the limbs of the cat to stare her sister in the eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Realizing her mistake Veronica searches her mind for a way to backpedal her comment. “What I meant was that you never thought about this stuff before right? I mean you’re older than me and this is the first time you’ve ever had this thought. Frankly I'm jealous of you. Being an actress I not only have to worry about how people see me but how they see my characters. Am I not doing well enough? Am I putting enough emotion into my performance? You’ve never had to try to be you. You don't **need** to try to be you.” Based on the almost blank look on Lai Chan’s face Veronica knew she needed one final push to reassure her older sister. Reaching deep within herself, Veronica prepares to show some of the feelings she keeps hidden away because being real is embarrassing when you spend all day pretending to be others.. After sucking in a breath she quickly spews out the next sentence in the same breath. “And-you’ll-always-be-my-super-cool-big-sister-with-the-rock-hard-abs-I’m-sure-most-guys-and-girls-would-kill-for.”

It took a while for Lai Chan to process all of the words her sibling just spat out at her. After a minute of inner deliberation accompanied by playing with the cat, her eyes light up with joy as she thinks she’s gathered the meaning of her sister’s speech.

Dropping the cat onto the floor she shoots up from her chair seated next to the bed and wraps her injured sister in a tight hug with a huge smile on her face. Her muscles flex a considerable amount, constricting around Veronica.

“Awwwwwwww. I love you too Veronica!” squeals Lai Chan. Veronica, having been unaware of the consequences of her words, was caught mid exhale by the bear hug and had no breath left to respond. Luckily enough the hug only lasted 3 seconds before Lai Chan got off of her realizing her mistake. “Oh sorry! I forgot you were injured. And you are right. I do have great abs.” 

With her usual wide smile on her face Lai Chan exits the room while veronica catches her breath.  
“At least she’s easily distracted” Veronica thought to herself as she got herself back into a comfortable reclined position while trying to not disturb the least number of sleeping kittens as possible.


	2. Older sister: Maria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses on Lai Chan interrupting Maria's reading time to ask her some personal questions.

Maria Wei was in the middle of her usual routine that she’s kept up since she was about 6. Sitting alone in a dining room with a hot cup of tea and a good book. Her eyes slowly scan the pages while she sips her tea. If the tea ever got cold she could heat up her own hand to make it warm again. It was a simple hobby but it made her happy nonetheless. The collection of cats basking in her natural warmth on the floor and table around her only added to the peaceful atmosphere. 

Outside of the room was considerably less peaceful. Lai Chan could be seen from Maria's seat pacing back and forth in the hallway. Every 10 seconds or so she would pass by the doorway, occasionally glancing inside. Her hands to her mouth, biting one of her knuckles she was lost in thought on how to approach her elder sibling with a personal question.

Lai Chan’s thoughts always went back to the scalding looks her sister would give her whenever she angered her. Lai Chan was always an hyperactive child, prone to getting into more mischief than her sisters. Because she was older, Maria would often be in charge of the younger ones, often assisted by Mei Shin. As such whenever Lai Chan got into some sort of trouble, blame also trickled down to her.

Lai Chan shuddered remembering the scoldings she got from their mother followed by the not as nice, personal scoldings she got from Maria afterwards. Maria’s younger siblings know just how short her fuse is and the heat of her ire.

Lai Chan never wanted to go through that again. She hadn’t made her sister that angry in years and she wasn't going to start again now. Unfortunately she just could not find the right words. 

Her worried thoughts paused for a moment when she looked down and noticed that a cat had been following her laps up and down the hall. 

After 10 minutes of ignoring the pacing, Maria finally spoke up when Lai Chan walked by cradling a cat playing with it, seeming to have forgotten her original purpose.

Not looking up from her book, Maria acknowledges the air genasi in the hallway by loudly clearing her throat “What do you want, Lai Chan?” Voice cool and level. She flips a page casually while waiting for a response. Startled by the sudden attention Lai Chan jumps and drops the cat. 

After regaining her composure she awkwardly enters the room and sits down across from Maria at the table. Despite her height, her shoulders slumped to make herself seem as small as she felt in the face of her sister. She looked down at her lap and folded hands 

“I... I have something I want to ask you but I don't want you to get mad at me for asking you. You won't get mad, right?” Lai Chan raises her head and flinches hard, not expecting to meet her sister’s gaze. Maria locked Lai Chan’s eyes in a stare down while still holding her book in one hand and her cup in the other. 

The raised eyebrow and extended eye contact let Lai Chan know to choose her next words wisely. 

“If it deserves my anger then I will be angry. What did you do this time?” Maria’s tone hasn't changed yet her words held a thinly veiled threat behind them. 

Quickly speaking up Lai Chan tried to derail Maria’s current train of thought before she got angrier. “No, no, no, no. I didn't do anything, I just wanted to ask you a question or two.” After a long look into Lai Chan’s eyes and deciding she spoke the truth (Lai Chan always was an easy read) the fire genasi lowered her gaze and went back to her book.  
“Ok. what is it? Or do you need to annoy me with some more pacing first?”

“I’ll ask now! Um. So like… you, uh, like girls right?”

Maria takes a sip of her tea. “Like girls?”

“You know, you… really like girls. Right?”

Maria sighs, eyes still on her book, and bluntly says “If you are referring to my sexual orientation then yes I like women. What about it?” 

“OK. So do you think I'm girly?” Lai chan asked, eyes back down at her lap and voice trailing off towards the end of the question. Maria once again raises her gaze to look at her sister.

“What do those two things have to do with each other?”

“Well… the other day Mai Fan said that I wasn’t girly like Mei shin and it's been bothering me since. I figured since you… like girls, you would be able to tell me if I was girly or not. You know because you like them so much.” 

“OK first you can stop saying how much I like women. I know I do. Second, Mai fan has called you names since she learned her first words, especially since you started training. Why does it bother you now?” 

Lai chain meets Maria’s eyes once again with a look of panic mixed with fear and anxiety. “That's because those names are usually ‘gym monkey’ or something! This is the first time someone’s questioned if I was a girl or not.”  
Maria took a second to process Lai Chan’s problem. “People usually do this in their teens, why is she starting when she’s twenty?” she asked herself mentally. 

Putting her nose back in her book Maria calmly assesses “Look at it this way. There are other girls in your gym right? There are women all over the world who fight and train like you do or even more. Would you consider them not girls?”  
“But that's not the point! I mean sure they are girls but are they girly? Don’t boys only like girly girls?” 

Keeping her face straight Maria mentally suppresses a chuckle, drawing back to many times she’s witnessed both genders attempt to flirt with her younger sister. Lai chan always treated them as if they were being friendly and reciprocated in kind, leading to many disappointed suitors unknowingly. 

“Boy’s are dumb and like anything had has breasts and an ass. Last time I checked you have both. It's fine Lai chan.” The hard tone in her voice attempts to signal the end to the conversation. 

“But-” Her objection is cut off by a motion from her older sibling. Maria still had the book in her right hand, but had extended her left hand into the open air next to her. 

Recognizing the pose Lai Chan raised her voice in indignation. “I’m not a kid anymore!” She remembered the countless times that pose had been done held in that arm.

Maria ignored the complaint and simply sighed impatiently, rolling her outstretched wrist in a “hurry this up” motion. 

Still muttering complaints, Lai Chan gets up from her chair and walks around the table and pulls up a chair next to her sister disturbing some lounging cats in the process. With a final huff she sits down and wraps her arms around Maria and snuggles in close. It’s a bit awkward because since the last time they had done Lai Chan grew about one and a half feet and now towered above Maria but it works. 

Once her sister has gotten situated, her head resting on her chest, Maria wordlessly lets her arm down and wraps it around Lai Chan’s shoulder returning to her book.

After a minute Lai Chan speaks up “What is this supposed to-” She is quieted by a forceful shush from Maria, who continues reading her book while her sister hugged her. 

Eventually, like every single other time they've done this, Lai Chan falls asleep. Unconsciously she snuggles a little closer and squeezes a litter harder. Because of her years of training this squeeze is more like a vice grip to Maria. Having long since learned that this was the burden of being an older sibling, she does nothing to alleviate her pain, choosing her sister's comfort over her own. This was her go to move whenever her sisters came to her with their problems and wouldn't calm down. 

Despite the healthy amount of fear the younger sisters felt for their sister when she was angry, they weren’t totally perpetually afraid of her. Her anger burned hot but also burned quickly and soon she was back to her normal, mild self. As long as one didn’t stoke her embers into a raging fire, Maria had a maternal warmth to her that betrayed her seemingly uncaring attitude and appearance.

Since she was a fire genasi she naturally was warm and had some degree of control of her body heat. She would never admit to it but she had memorized each specific temperature her sisters liked when she held them like this as babies that got them to sleep the quickest so she could continue her reading uninterrupted. And she knew that, especially for Lai Chan, they always felt better after a good nap. Even if they were no longer children it still worked like a charm.

Maria continues to enjoy her book and tries to ignore the wet spot on her shirt where Lai Chan is drooling on it.


	3. Mother: Meng Wei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lai Chan decided to go to one of the 2 most “womanly” people she knows according to the rest of the world. Her mother. Because of her mother’s work, they didn't really have a very affectionate relationship since Meng Wei spent most of Lai Chan’s childhood out doing shows. Lai Chan can more readily count the times she laid her head on her elder sister’s bosoms than her own mother’s.  
> this chapter is the first "real" talk they've had ever.

Lai Chan felt like she was in a business meeting. Having scheduled a meeting with her mother in the most formal way she could muster, they now sat in one of the many dining rooms of the estate. 

Meng Wei sat at the head of the dining room table and while Lai Chan sat in the chair to her left. A kettle of fresh tea sat between them.

When Meng Wei had entered the room, Lai Chan rushed to pull the chair out for her mother, and poured her a cup of tea. Then she sat down and twiddled her thumbs for a minute while her mom sipped her tea.

In that minute Lai Chan played through her awkward invitation in her mind again, becoming even more nervous. 

She had interrupted personal bonding time between her eldest sister Ai and her mother. When she found them her mom was listening to Ai tell her about her recent experiences and life since her most recent pop star group fell apart. 

Being the only child who didn’t live in the estate, whenever she came to visit she loved to be spoiled by their mother despite being a woman in her late 30’s. When Lai Chan entered she had been curled up on the couch they shared with her head in their mother’s lap. Meng Wei casually stroked her hair while Ai talked about her problems.

The younger siblings were jealous of the bond Ai and the eldest sibling Dai Lee held with their mother. She had them when she was really young and raised them herself as best she could. When the middle children came along is when her career really took off. The twins were raised basically by Dai Lee and Ai while their mom worked. Then the younger kids (26 and younger) were practically raised by Mei shin with the help of Maria. 

Their mother retired in the past five years and performed once a year just to keep up appearances. Despite spending almost all her time in the same home as her children now, they still felt a severe gap in emotional connection that came from living most of their lives with her busy/not around. They considered themselves more fans of hers than family. Tender moments between her and the youngest four were few and far between when compared to moments they shared with Mei Shin and Maria. 

After getting past the initial guilt of interrupting their quiet time Lai Chan managed to interrupt her own stuttering enough to force out something along the lines of, “Um, hi mom. And Ai! Hi, to both of you. Hey mom, if you weren't busy later, of course I’ll understand if you are, could we maybe meet up to talk about something. Please. But of course only if you have the time.”

Meng Wei agreed, stating that she would love to talk to her after she finished hearing out Ai.

Putting her tea down, Meng Wei looked at her child. “Lai Chan, you don't have to be so tense. I’m your mother. You can talk to me like any one of your sisters. Besides, we don’t talk nearly enough. It makes me happy that you came to me for advice.” She gave her daughter a warm smile.   


“But you’re not just my mom. You are the world's most famous person! Many people would kill to be where I am right now. Just to sit next to you.”

Meng Wei reached down and placed her hand atop Lai Chan’s to calm her. “That may be true but those people aren't my beautiful children. You are. If given the choice between performing for them for the rest of my life and looking at your faces one more time, I would choose you every time.”

Removing her hand, Meng Wei got up from her seat at the head and moved to sit beside her daughter. “You also don't have to request a meeting with me, Lai Chan. If you want to talk, just walk up to me and talk like Ai does. I’m always happy to hear anything you have to say.” 

The motherly gaze that Meng Wei gave her daughter broke her. Maybe it was because they have never really had this kind of talk before. Maybe it was because Lai Chan felt the relationship between her and her mother was significantly more strained than it was. Maybe it was a combination of both of those factors and more, but whatever it was it made Lai Chan feel safe and loved.

And with that emotional safety she was able to let out her true feelings. So she did. Lai Chan let all of her emotional insecurities out, mostly the recent ones questioning her “girl-power” as well as the relief of finally connecting with her mother.

Lai Chan threw her arms around her mother, and bawled like a girl a quarter of her age. (she’s 21)

“I thought you didn't even know I existed!” The voice came out a bit muffled as it was sobbed into the woman’s shoulder.   


Meng Wei wrapped her arms over her baby and slowly rubbed her back, encouraging her to let it all out. “Of course I know you exist. I spent 18 hours in labor pushing you out of me 21 years ago and I've loved you since then.” She chuckled softly.. “You’re also six foot three. How could I not know you existed?” 

“But you never went to any of my fights. I thought you don’t approve of what I do. I’m not a performer like everybody else. All I'm good at is fighting and being loud and breaking things.” The words were strained, several times being interrupted by sobs. 

At that statement mother grabbed her daughter by the shoulders and forced her off of her. She held her and looked her deep in the eyes with as serious a look as Lai Chan should ever seen. The light behind her eyes burned bright.

Despite being physically stronger, Lai Chan felt meek and powerless before her mother at this moment. Almost as if stung she recoiled when their gazes met, averting her eyes to the floor. Her mother released one of her shoulders to grab her chin and lift her head, forcing Lai Chan to meet her gaze. 

“That is  _ not  _ true. I love each and every one of you. And I’m happy that you found something you enjoy.”

“But-”   


“But nothing young lady! I will not have any of you going around thinking I don’t love you. And I have been to each and every one of your fights.”

Confusion appeared on Lai Chan’s face. As she opened her mouth to speak her mother cut her off again.

“Your debut match ended in the third round when you threw a left roundhouse kick at 2 minutes and 13 seconds in. Your second match ended in submission in the first round, 3 minutes and 18 second in. Your hardest match was against your friend Song Shi but the judges scored in your favor. You won your last match with a score difference of 6.43 points. Need I go on?”

Lai Chan took a minute to remember all those years back to her first 2 matches. Her mother was right. “How do you know all this? Who told you?”  
The hand gripping her chin moved to instead caress her cheek. “No one told me sweetie. I was there. I’ve been there. For each and every fight. I don’t like seeing you get hurt but seeing your smile afterwards is always worth it.”

“How come I’ve never seen you? None of my friends have ever seen you in the crowd either! Everywhere you go people swarm you! That’s never happened at any of my matches. I even have a family section. Your chair was empty every single time!” Her voice was desperate now she wanted it to be true but years of doubt were hard to let go of. 

Now the other hand rose to cup the other cheek. Using her thumbs, she wiped tears off Lai Chan’s face. “That’s because I snuck in. I watched each and every one of them from the back, but I always made sure I had a clear view of my baby’s wins.”

“But why sneak in? Why not just sit in your seat?”    


“Because your fights are different from anyone else’s performances. The main difference is the lights stay on the entire time. In Veronica's plays the lights are down low, and the only place to look is at her performance. When Maria dances, the flames and movements dazzle the crowd. While I may get some attention when I enter, by the start of the performance they have forgotten I'm even there and watch your siblings. If I sat in the seat close to the ring like you wanted I feared I would hog most of the attention.”   


Meng Wei moved her hands from Lai Chan’s face down to grab both of hers. “I would never want to take any attention from you all. All of you practice hard to get to where you are. I don't want to take even an ounce of attention away from you. When you step into that ring, you are the star.” 

She draws her daughter into another hug and squeezes firmly. “You’re  _ my _ little star. And I want you to shine as bright as you can.”

Lai Chan cried for a good 10 minutes after that. Her mother waited patiently, rubbing her back and reassuring her that she in fact did love her. 

After she calmed down a little, Meng Wei asked “Now what did you want to talk about?”  
Remembering the original meaning of this Lai Chan quickly tried to compose herself and wipe away her tears.

“I wanted to ask you if you thought was girly.”   


“And why would you ask me that?”   


“Because Mai Fan told Lowen that I wasn’t girly and I think she’s right. And if I'm not girly then I won't ever have a boyfriend and I’ll die alone!”  
Meng Wei looked at her child in bewilderment. She decided to tackle one problem at a time. 

“No, I don't think you are very girly.” Lai Chan’s heart sunk. “At least in the traditional sense. While you may not fit into the stereotype of ‘girly’ you are a beautiful young woman. You have the body I wished I had when I was your age and the most dazzling smile I’ve ever seen. You shouldn’t worry about fitting into some box. Just be yourself.” She chuckled “And if anyone ever does try to bully you for it you can just beat them up. Except family. Speaking of which I’ll make sure to have a talk with Mai Fan later.”

Lai Chan perked up at that. “ No! Don’t tell her I said anything. I wanna handle this myself.”

“Ok then. But if you ever want me to talk to her the offer is on the table. For the other concern, your friend Song has a boyfriend right?”   


“Yes, but she’s at least closer to girly than I am”

“What did I just say? Be yourself. Anyway, she does all the same things you do and she has a boyfriend. I'm sure there are many boys out there who would love to date you. Honestly everyone here is surprised you haven’t brought at least one back home to meet us yet. Plenty of the ones at you gym seem to like you”

“Really!? Who!?”   


Meng Wei remembered all the guys who damn near trample each other after every victory to congratulate her. She assumed her daughter simply didn't like any of them in that way or just wasn't looking for a relationship. Turns out she was just oblivious. 

That talk would have to wait for later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual comments/feedback are welcome.


	4. Cat: Imryll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so this one is gonna be weirder but hear me out. Basically some ghost elf was haunting the party and they didn't give her her body back so she’s stuck haunting them. She then learned she could possess minor animals and here we are. She lives in one of the many cats that populates the Wei estate.

Imyrll could not believe her shitty luck. There she was, lounging away the day in a particularly nice spot of sunlight when that blue giantess walked in. Normally she was fine with the fighter, she always knew how to pet and rub her the right way, but now appeared to be an exception. 

Currently she was held closely to the fighter’s chest, being smothered in her bosom while the girl lamented about something stupid no doubt. For someone so big, her brain certainly didn't seem to match her size.

“Why doesn't she think I’m girly?” The girl whispered to herself.

Lack of oxygen forced Imryll to struggle in the otherwise surprisingly comfortable hold.  _ I don’t know who she’s talking about but if she held them like this they sure would change their mind.  _

Noticing the cat struggling Lai Chan is quick to release it. “Sorry… Imryll? I think thats what Stein said your name was.”

Landing on her paws, Imryll sits tall like the noble feline she is and begins grooming herself.  _ I spent 30 minutes earlier getting this just right you fucking ogre. _ Pausing her grooming she looks the worried girl in the eyes.  _ At least you remembered my name. I’ll hear you out this once. _

She rolls onto her side and lounges, waiting for the girl to continue.

Lai Chan considers the cat for a minute, switching from her kneeling position to sitting cross legged in front of the cat. “I think Stein said something about you being really smart. He said something about you being some lady.” Realizing her opportunity she leans forward towards the cat, excitement glowing in her eyes. “ Is that really true? Can you understand me?”

_ Of course it's true. Why would the ghost man who can't die lie about a cat?  _ All that came out was a single meow. Seeing the girl give her a confused look she mentally sighed and did the cat equivalent of a nod.

In her excitement Lai Chan reached down to once again grab the cat but was met with a paw swatting at her hand and a hiss.

“Oh right. Sorry. So can I ask you a question?” Imryll nods and goes back to grooming herself while she lounges.

“Do you think I’m like, girly enough.”  _ you can bench press three of my old bodies without breaking a sweat. Forget girly, you’re a whole ass woman.  _ Outwardly the cat simply nodded.

“Are you sure? Aren't I like, too strong or something?” Lai chan flexes a bicep.

_ Most men would kill to have those abs and I'm sure many more would kill to touch those ones.  _ Imryll shakes her head no. 

“But boys want their girls to be soft and stuff right?” She touches her own bicep, abs, and thighs “No part of me is soft!”  _ I beg to fuking differ after you tried to smother with those pillows.  _ The cat shakes her head again.

“But I’m too tall right? Don't guys want a shorter girl?” Lai Chan sands up to her full height of six foot three.  _ Think of it less of you bing too tall and more like you are a mountain that smaller men would love to climb.  _ Another head shake.

“Am I at least pretty?” she sits back down.  _ You honestly have the best smile I’ve seen in my eons of life.  _ She nods.

“So you’re saying that I'm good the way I am?”  _ Yes I am. Now leave me be.  _ Another nod. 

Her face lights up in the patented smile. “Thanks!” she leaves the room.  _ Finally _ Imryll stretches out in the sunlight.

It lasts a full 10 seconds before she’s interrupted again. Lai Chan practically runs back into the room. “I almost forgot! I gotta reward you! You want a chicken or fish or something?”

_ While that would be degrading, I am pretty hungry. Sure, why not.  _ The cat nods.   


Lai Chan snatches up the cat and begins heading towards the kitchen. 

_ You could have just brought it to m- Whatever. At least you aren't smothering me again.  _

**Author's Note:**

> As always feedback and critiques are welcome.


End file.
